I was reading a friends Blog today, she too has been waging the war on weight and has done so well.  She has a little bit more to go and has been on the wayside,  but she decided she would start today. This made me think....Funny how when we are going to start any type of weight loss we always say I'll start it on Monday!  Why do we always choose the following week, why not now??? I am so guilty with this but I'm not a planner, never have been so I always have to go shopping and due to where I live it's not a 5 min trip down the road, Infact it's about 35mins thus I always leave it to my shopping day.  But my biggest reason is it gives me a few more days to eat as much crap as I want while I can still eat it, thus adding a bit more fat in the places it loves to hang around and takes me that bit longer to lose.

See I have PCO or poly cystic ovaries which is well known for adding girth to your tummy and bum area and thats where mine is.  It makes it harder for us to loose weight but very very easy to gain.  But I'm not going to use this as an excuse like so many do.

Now back onto the excuse of me eating yummy food before I start my diet....

Yep you guessed it, I ate some of this today.  It was my mums birthday and god yes it was yummy and not one thought about what it was doing to me, just what pleasure it was giving me so bye bye evil food like this not forever but if I do ever have something like this again, it will be ALOT smaller and with any luck I actually say no!

My Largest weight 2 yrs ago - 86.5kg

                                   

They were a size 16

The lightest I have ever been 66kg

Piling it back on

Currently nearly 79kg

 
I am so angry at myself.  I have always been overweight, from high school to now.  I was teased at school, comments in the street, ignored when out at night in pubs etc the typical things that most over weight people go through.  I'm 5f 1" so I just have a glass of water and it looks like I have gained a stone.  You name it I have been on Jenny Craig, nutri system, weight watcher several times, lite n easy several times, weight loss pills, shake diets, Dr Phil diets, CSRIO diet and I know there are more.  I just fall back into the same traps...my will power has had enough or I start to lose and become to cocky with the first piece of junk food going into the shopping trolley thinking 'yep once is fine', scales don't move so I try it again and before you know it your buying take away and your trolley is over 3/4 junk and full of fat food.


My last effort and the most successful one from the pics above was Weight Watcher points program and even though I had done WW before the points were easier to do as they had changed their menu's to normal food and not celery and carrot sticks.
I hate myself for the weight gain and you know why???  Because the fight to lose 20kg was right up there with one of the hardest things I have done.  Every week was a battle of a 100g loss there a 300g loss there and you were super excited at a 1+ kg loss so it took so long to do and within less than a year all that fat is dumbed at your feet again like it's just returned from holidays.


I loved the way I look, I was confident infact the most confident I think I had ever been, I felt good, I had sooooooooo much more energy which was perfect with a toddler.  I enjoyed shopping....boy did I enjoy shopping  and yep it is true, you are treated differently when your skinnier but most of all my 2 chins disappeared....I had never seen that before.  Its hard to describe but its like the old you has gone and the new one has moved in.  Now I have low self esteem again, hate the way I look, my chin is back, I feel butch and that's probably to do with my short hair at the moment and depressed.  I didn't buy winter clothes because everything this season was clingy and fitting and typical it wasn't when I did loose my weight.  I live in trackies and big tops most days while at home because I don't want to take my big butt out anywhere or I just don't have anything to wear.  I miss dressing up but hey you don't do that in a small town or you get looked at like you have 5 heads.  I'm just a home body again which isn't fair to my 3 year old.
There are some days where I just want to accept me for what I am but if I do that then I am accepting my future poor health including diabetes, setting a poor example for my son, accepting low self estem but more importantly I know I will just put more on and that would send me over the edge.


So I need to do this again for me and me only, saying your doing it for someone else isn't the right step.  You need to be ready for it or it's over within a week.  My motivation is my Weight watchers magazines and unfortunately I stopped buying them at the end of last yr so only have a few to motivate me but will also have my before and after pics happening again I think!

Where to start??  I'll warn you now I am very well known for starting on a subject and slightly steering off topic...oh ok slightly isn't the word for it, I sometimes need a GPS to get back so don't say I didn't warn you!


This Blog is going to be about the past, the future, excuses, excuses for excuses and maybe the occasional excuse.  I'm going to chat about my weight, my weight loss, my beautiful family and life in general.  I don't really ramble alot so don't expect huge long posts, but maybe that might come once I get use to Blogging again. Yes I have had a couple of Blogs about different stages of my life but this one marks the 40's and how I am coping with things in my life, such as weight, my baby going to Kinder next year, my weight, but over all my lack of confidence within myself and how losing the weight makes me a different person....strange but its true!  I am a very different person when I lose weight and not in a nutter way, I walk high, feel different and even feel like I am treated differently.


So stay tuned, I have a lot more to say!!